Mysterious...
Gotta keep it mysterious,
ominous, brimming with question marks
and all that shlocky substance abuse...
Why? 
Because you didn't go you b-holes!
Well, some of you did, but some of you
have yr noses
so far up
yr collective asses
that you couldn't tell shit from shinola,
and it's usually the same fucking thing!
Anywayz, onto the review...

I've always thought of Noise 'music' and No-Wave
as like the highest form of bravery,
right up there with the brave souls who thought,
and fought to turn up at our basement show
shin-dig on Sunday, (and every other basement
show fer that matter!) "Father's Gay!"
where Grand Rapids proved it's worthlessness
and everyone was outta town celebrating
one hell of a boring holiday!

Ok! Yr Fathers gay, he's outta the closet, were
proud of him! Let's move one!

The kids that did go to this show found a kinship
with Noise musick and the musickians becuz
they too were sick and well aware of the repetition
repetitionrepetitionrepetitionrepetitionrepetition
of popular culture and popular sub-culture
all stirred into a slick mess in the toilet that is
our lives...For Lifers! That's what we is!
And sum of them got brave, and rather than choose
suicide they choose the next best thang
and choose to step off the grid
not catering to any form or function,
choosing to fall into uh dark, howling universe
that prolly on first inspection
appears to be uh spittle slathered sex organ...
Fuck all! Dive in! Live fer the moment!

Three Brained Robot opened up the show at PVC
with uh raging attack on form!
The curly haired cretin attacked a guitar which
did lil' but blind anyone in close range(thank-fully
I was wearing shades)!
No one was allowed a peaceful escape from routines
at this show!
No pleasant 'Oi' 'Oi's' to regress uh wet nursed
punker back uh couple decades!
It was pure unadulterated tough love!
Just the way I like it!
Robot dragged out his puppet halfway through
the set, finally giving us an inch of superficial
relief with the closest thing he had to a 'pop song'!
The puppet menacingly goaded the audience,
his voice coming from some well-spring in hell
as he spat "I'm the puppet, he's the human, I'm
the puppet, he's the human, I'm the puppet, he's
the human, I'm the puppet, he's the human, I'm
the puppet...ad nauseam! 
To finish off Robot forced everyone at Noise-point
to venture under uh tent that we all held up,
and, well...the rest is mystery!

Moving on...after the sexual liaison with our
well equipped robot friend, Yohimbe took the stage!
...And boy did they ever!
First thing you see, the well-endowed front-woman
turns her back and snaps off her bra!
Then the fun begins as she crashes her Double D
business all over her noise toys,
slapping and pummeling
the equipment, throwing her head up with uh
maniacal witch's leer, and then down again!
For some reason I envision Beethoven
for an instant, and then---gone!
Back to reality, or whatever is left of it!
After their set Yohimbe clued me into how their
name was derived from a herbal drug
which is supposed to give you rock-hard
erections, and torpedo tits from Venus!
I thought the name well-suited as
the drummer for Yohimbe struggled
in the background somewhere,
smashing the drums into uh
early grave in a bloody battle of flesh and
drum-head! 
You could see him in his near-death
trance, black and blue from his own throttlings!
I was rooted to the spot, and absolutely
could not move 'til the end of their set!
His purplish underwear stained with sweat
as he communed uh dichotomy of opinions
to his frenzied partner!
[I must include here that their accompanying
tape that came after the performance
is a must have and I play it all the time,
so try to acquire it if you have any means!]

After this debacle we had Grand Rapids own
Chinese People show us a dance or three,
and it was very crudely
cool, as it always is with the Chinese People,
but rather even more so with such a line-up
as this! It all made sense in uh strange, stinky way!
I don't know why!
Cassandra, who was gaping at their spasmodic
delights right next to me said they reminded her
of 'Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job'
which I hadn't seen in them until her moment of
revelation! 
I always got a hint of B-52's
from their jock straps, but on uh seconds rethink
I'd say they were a disastrously delicious
mix of both; just like the sweet, tonic that Jan
offered to the audience during his
speedy set! (I heard it's sweetness was concocted
with Stevie from Statutory Triangle!)
Jan was straight-faced as always, which I always
find so hilarious with their subject matter:
"Get herpes and spread it all around, and
spread it all around! Gonorrhea! And spread it
all around an spread it all around!..."
Sarah Anderson was in top form with a flopping
top, throwing herself to the very limits of
sanity with her methodical husband in tow
oddly rounding off the trio in uh seething gestalt
of suave nightmares and oiling pits!
The crowd plunged on and off the band,
begging to be rocked, and loving
the Chinese remedy!

by: cryptic josh