POSITIVE NOISE(top) AMOEBAS (bottom)

So anyway, recalling this dream recently got me thinking. I am an intense dreamer as is, and I believe really seriously in dream interpretation and other semi-new agey things. So I started wondering what a tiger represented in the subconscious, or at least is thought to represent. Most of what I read said that tigers represent power, emotion, or aggression. This was all okay, but when the tiger thing really got weird was when I saw a horoscope placemat at a Chinese restaurant. I’m sure you can deduce where I’m going with this.

Year of the Tiger – 1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010, 2022, 2034, 2046

“Tigers, considered to be brave, cruel, forceful and terrifying, are the symbol of power and lordliness. In ancient times, people usually compared emperors or grandees with the tiger. Court officials often said that ‘accompanying the emperor is just like being at the side of a tiger’. There are also many legends on hunting tigers dealing with struggling against evil might.

People born in the year of the tiger are tolerant, staunch, valiant, and respected. In their middle age, their fate may be uneven, but afterwards will enjoy a bright prospect. Their shortcoming is to project themselves before others. But most women under the tiger sign are intelligent, faithful and virtuous.”

I probably don’t need to tell you I was born in 1986. But I was! What does this all mean? Could this dream really be that fucking meaningful? Yes! Can my first real clear memory actually represent my true self? Who knows?! Does this mean I should get a tiger back-piece? No! Write to me and tell me if this is all in my head.

So basically, love is getting redefined, to this day, as I am curious where I stand on certain issues now, and always will take things as they come along. Making my OWN model, based on excellent, radical communication, blowing past the complaining with the guys bullshit I have been around my whole life. Locker room talk, kitchen gossip, whatever, whether I was playing high school basketball or working in kitchens, I feel like I’m constantly around lying, insecure dudes. Are they lying to me and looking super mega tough or are they lying when they say “I love you, babe” on the phone to their lady who’s life just simply could NOT go on without them. Ha.

New friends, capacity. Ha.

“A.D.D.”

Riding back from Lansing, I was happy to be becoming friends with the Scabburger crew, and it made me think of my fellow Xtra Vomit bandmate whom I’ve only know a couple years and have gotten super close to, of my Lansing friends who became SO important SO fast, that instant connection, of Mt. Pleasant friends, who I feel like I’ve known my whole life… And it’s all so terribly exciting and I realize that I haven’t forgotten about any old friends, and once again only the 24 hour day is the time limit, and “nothing is fucked” (hee hee) and I love them as much as ever and am as patient as ever for when I happen to see them, be it once a year, or once a week. A friend of mine whom I am wildly resilient to growing apart from (well I am with a lot of them, but when you don’t feel the shared passion, it’s tough to follow it up much) have set aside a day a week where we meet up. Planning our lives around each other is important, I love new friends and old friends and my time is expired here….

I think I may be a magnet for ghosts or ghost-like beings. I can’t go six  months without having some sort of encounter with one. These are legit situations that really did happen to me and  yet when I tell people, they immediately don’t believe what I’m saying. Every situation, I’ve tried to think of logical reasons “how it just looked like a girl with shoulder length hair just ducked from behind the chair in my parents living room” or “ why do all the doors in my apartment open randomly without anyone in the house but me?” (I’m getting the chills just re-living these things in my memory). These are things that have REALLY happened.

Someone told me once that since I believe in ghosts, it makes me more open to seeing them. I guess it makes sense, but I’ve heard plenty of story’s of people who do not believe in them that have had ghostly encounters. I read in the newspaper today about a very regular, normal person waking up at 2 am to the feeling of being pulled towards the end of her bed. There was another story where a ghost had been following this man for close to 8 years. It’ll be sitting in a chair near him in a restaurant, or hanging out in the dude’s office, watching him as he worked. You can’t just make up a story like that. One of the 1^st columns I wrote for grscreamer.com I wrote about a situation that happened at my old apartment. That went on for a year, and I told my family and friends about it as it went on, so I think it made it more believable to people because they were there along the way  to witness it with me. Some friends even were there when I discovered ghostly things happen in the apartment.

Some people ask me if I get scared when these things happen to me. Well, once I was sleeping in my parents basement when I woke up at 4:30 am and heard someone whisper something in my ear (talk to me  if you want to know what it whispered). For six months after that, whenever I slept over my parents house, I didn’t even want to go downstairs, I was so scared. It was also disturbing that for about four months after the incident I would wake up at 4:30 every night just long enough to look at the clock and wonder why I always wake up at that time.

Ghostly things occur to me every 6 months or so now. It’s to the point where it happens so frequently, I don’t really tell many people because I feel like they think I’m just making it up for attention (I WISH). 

I like storytelling and talking about these situations I always seem to find myself in, so if you’re curious, just ask! I’m curious to hear other people’s ghost stories

I’ve always admired the crazy ones. The people who live on the edge, who say what they mean and mean what they say, those gorgeous women sobbing in bathtubs filled with wine and rage, and those stylish messes of men who cut their fists breaking glass windows and girl’s hearts. Maybe my love for the dark corners of life comes from growing up surrounded by such dark people. The artists and musicians who live on the fringes of society, who live entirely in a world composed inside their heads, who live off disability because they can’t wake up in the morning and put on a suit and tie and pretend they don’t want to die. 

I was raised by a slew of the mentally ill: psychotic, schizophrenic, hardcore drug addicts and alcoholics. I love them with all my heart and soul. They are the reason I am who I am, why I do what I do, why I say what I say. They are the reason drumbeats align to the beat of my heart and guitar strings run along the length of my veins. They are the reason I stay awake for 50 hours at a time thinking I can change the world, if only I could find that one photograph I’ve been searching for my entire life. You know the one, the photo that captures the inside of what my head looks like when I’m feeling so manic I could pull out all my hair and scream. They’re the reason substance will always make me feel better. They’re the reason I’m so attracted to it in the first place. Its just not in my blood to not be the combined effort of everyone I have ever known.

This one goes out to the people who feel so on fire that they just can’t control it, it consumes them. And even if they could put it out, most days they wouldn’t want to. The ones who are who they are, without guilt, shame, apology or regret. The ones who refuse to live the sanitary, disinfected life so many have become accustomed to. The ones who admit that life is fucking messy and who aren’t afraid to get their dirty little hands even dirtier as a result of that mess. This one goes out to the people who don’t always want to be alive, who think life is utterly impossible sometimes, and who aren’t always okay . . .  and certainly don’t fucking want to hear that you think it will all work out someday.  Maybe its not going to work out. Maybe it just is what it is and we all have to live with it.

This one’s for you, the ones who keep me going, the ones who keep me burning alive.

- Conflict, “Punk Inn’it”

In the 1970s, punk rock emerged in England. The emergence of punk can be traced to a number of different factors and historical events. There is an ongoing debate over which bands were punk, what bands were precursors to punk, and all of that. In my opinion, that’s for record nerds and punk historians to figure out—I’m much more interested in the social context out of which punk emerged and how it challenged the status quo. In England, the punk scene arose in part as a reaction to the country’s poor economic condition. Countless youth were unable to find jobs, existing industries were in a period of transition, and the country as a whole was going through economic changes. Moreover, the political climate was changing after the decline of the global left movement in the 1960s and 1970s and there was a gradual shift towards the right that would culminate in the election of Margaret Thatcher.

Out of this context, punk rock emerged—and interestingly—brought along a renewed interest in anarchism. Anarchism—a political ideology seeking the eradication of all forms of hierarchy and the building of a new society based on principles of cooperation and mutual aid—fit well with the emerging politics of the punk scene. The early punk scene would largely ignore the more nuanced aspects of anarchism, and instead focused on the “destruction of the existing order” component of anarchism. The Sex Pistols screamed about “Anarchy in the U.K.” and while their interpretation of anarchism (and their politics generally) owes more to reaction than clear analysis, it was the beginning of a long relationship between punk rock and anarchism.

Whereas young punks rejected much of the dominant culture, anarchism was a political ideology that sought as its goal to destroy that culture all together. It offers a new way of living and its rejection of political action (in the sense of electoral politics and governments) was appealing to punks who saw that the state was unwilling or unable to help them. Emerging out of the political and social context of 1970s England, it is really no surprise that anarchism would see a resurgence. When young punks looked at what the country had to offer to them, it was easy to believe that there was no future. At this time, punk’s version of anarchism was associated with nihilism and the view that anarchy was chaos and disorder, rather than a political ideology that offered an option for both the future as well as the here and now. In the ensuing years, Crass—and the anarcho-punk explosion that followed—would greatly advance anarchist politics in the punk scene, so much so that in many cases anarchism became the default political position. Moreover, punk rock provided significant numbers of recruits to the anarchist movement and became the vehicle through which many anarchists become politicized.

Of course, the above history is incomplete and I gloss over many things, but what can you expect in a page? Still, while many of the generalizations hold true, it would be a mistake to say that once Crass came along that the relationship between punk rock and anarchism was entirely symbiotic and the punk scene adopted the values inherent in anarchism. Unfortunately, this hasn’t been the case. Instead, while anarchism continues to play an important role in the punk scene, it has manifested itself in three main ways, two of which are problematic.

Remember when I mentioned The Sex Pistols above and said that their interpretation of anarchism was more akin to nihilism than anarchism? Sadly, this interpretation of anarchism continues to carry a lot of sway in the punk scene. Many punks interpret “anarchism” or “anarchy” as a state of chaos or disorder and use “anarchy” as a means of justify all manner of ridiculous behavior. “Punx” are “anarchists,” because they will hit you in the pit, smash glass in your driveway at house shows, and piss on your couch. Their leather jackets are adorned with Circled A’s, but the politics behind the symbol go largely unexamined, aside from an occasional anti-police song. Anarchy represents a rejection of the dominant culture’s values. Anarchism means to each their own and everything goes. There are no common standards, values, or responsibility—there are no rules and none apply to them (or anyone else). There is no consistent anarchist politics and indeed rather than political consciousness, this form of anarchism and punk is often surprisingly apolitical and apathetic. While this is all problematic in obvious ways, it is doubly problematic in that it reinforces stereotypes of anarchism from the late 1800s and early 1900s when critics of anarchism (both on the left and the right) asserted that anarchists sought only chaos and dismissed the revolutionary anarchist project.

Anarchism has also manifested itself in the punk scene as a means of individualized rebellion. Many punks become anarchists or adopt an anarchist analysis of the dominant culture after hearing anarcho-punk bands, reading political zines, or otherwise being exposed to anarchist politics in the punk scene. However, given the nature of the anarchist movement, there are often few venues for which punks can get involved in doing anarchist work. Short of starting your own project or anarchist band with friends—or joining an existing project if your city has one—there is relatively little for anarchist punks to do to express their politics. In response, many punks go to great lengths to reject the dominant culture. Some, seeing the violence inherent in landlordism, squat while others travel across the country. Some become freegan and try to reject the consumerism of the dominant culture. Others learn to grow their own food and incorporate punk’s D.I.Y. politics into all facets of their lives. Many punks use anarchism’s critique of politics to reject political activism and eschew any type of organizing efforts. Unfortunately, this individualized manifestation of anarchism—however praiseworthy some of the individual actions are—is problematic in that it represents no organized challenge to the system.

Finally, for many in the punk scene, anarchism has become more than just a way to live your life, interact within the punk scene, or view the world—it has been a motivating factor for working to destroy the dominant culture and build alternatives. Many anarchist punks have taken the ideas of anarchism and sought to use those to make strides towards the new world that anarchism seeks. Punks have gotten involved in community gardening projects, started sharing discarded food with those in need via Food Not Bombs, organized protests, opened collective houses, and organized riots. Punks have been involved in infoshops, anarchist collectives, done prisoner support work, liberated animals, and more. They’ve kicked racists out of their scenes and communities via Anti-Racist Action, helped to bring the neoliberal trade agreements of the Clinton years to a halt via the anti-globalization movement, and participated in anarchist networks such as Love and Rage. Other punks have sought to advance the fusion of punk rock and anarchism, through projects such as Profane Existence or the Anarcho-Punk Federation. In these cases, anarchism has been a means of challenging the dominant culture and punk is a base from which to build.

Anarchism arose within the punk scene out of a specific context—1970s England—but its influence has transcended that limited context and anarchism remains an important component of the punk scene. Anarchism adds to punk’s rejection of the dominant culture and expands on it, moving beyond fashion and music to challenge hierarchies and the state itself. Moreover, anarchism can give coherence to the broadly anti-authoritarian/left-wing politics of punk and it can be a helpful way of making sense of the world. Anarchism is at once a response to claims that punk’s rejection of politics (defined as participation in the electoral system) is apathetic as well as providing ideas for political action outside the electoral system. In a world that is literally being destroyed by capitalism, anarchism is the only sane response.

“It is an inspiration to see that anarcho-punks in Mexico are working with the Zapatistas. Publications like Profane Existence have been promoting an international punk movement. We are even moving beyond this subculture to work within a larger society and commit ourselves to multicultural organizing, connecting ourselves to other subcultures of rebellion, and promoting the concepts of mutual aid, solidarity and revolution.”

- Resist and Exist, “Insurrectionist Deed”

MENSTRUAL CUPS (you’ve got a few options, actually twelve!):

With a little research I found the The Keeper, Mooncup, Green Donna, LadyCup, Lunette, Fleurcup, MeLuna, Miacup, MPower, Yuuki Menstrual Cup, and The Diva Cup. There might be some more out there. Something I found to be interesting is that I’m pretty sure only one of the brands mentioned is made in the U.S. Not surprising, I suppose.

 Anyway, a menstrual cup is basically a little rubber (or latex) plunger that you fold in half, then fold again, insert in your vagina, and twist it to pop open inside your vagina. The cup seals the opening of your vagina with its little tip sticking out just a little bit. You can leave the cup in for up to twelve hours and it catches your menstrual blood until you’re ready to empty it. To remove it, you gently tug on the little tip and kind of squeeze and finagle it out. THIS TAKES PRACTICE! The first few times you try it you will probably get blood on your hands, but don’t be discouraged. Getting this little ritual down will be worth your while. I’ve been using the Diva Cup for about two years now and I struggled a bit at first, but now it takes two or four seconds to put in and take out. It’s just fabulous. You can run, swim, bike and even poop with it in. I have a bit of trouble sometimes with it leaking, but it’s just a little bit and I use a homemade reusable pad for back up. Speaking of that….

REUSABLE PADS:

Making pads is probably the most creative way to “control” your blood. There are so many ways to do this; I can’t even begin to touch on them all. My current way of making them is by tracing out a disposable pad with wings on a piece of cardboard giving extra room on the edges. Then I take a piece of flannel that is good for wicking moisture (old flannel pajama pants, shirts, or bed sheets work great) and use the pattern to trace and cut two identical pieces out. Next get some thick fleece (or fabric that is absorbent) and trace/cut the pattern out of that, minus the wings. Sandwich the fleece material between the two flannel pieces and sew along the edges of the inner piece and along the edges of the two flannel pieces. You can always double or triple up on the fleece depending on what your flow is like or for nighttime. After you have your pad sewn, you can either sew Velcro, snaps, or buttons to join the wings under the crotch of your panties. WARNING: if you use Velcro cut it into very small circles and make the wings longer and wider so that you don’t get scratched by the Velcro every time you walk. It’s a pain in the ass (inner thighs) to feel that all day long when you’re at work or wherever. It will seriously drive you crazy and make you walk weird.

OTHER THINGS:

Some people use small sea sponges to insert and absorb their blood. I am vegan so I do NOT recommend this. However, they are healthier than bleached non-organic tampons. Some health food stores even sell the sponges with strings on them for easier removal. If you’re interested in sponges, maybe try synthetic ones but research it a bit because you never know what’s in those either. Vaginas are very sensitive and you basically consume toxins and other stuff depending on what you put up them.

One time I was at an awesome workshop on DIY menstrual health at N.C.O.R. (National Conference on Organized Resistance – now defunct) and met someone that just used a bandana in her underwear. That’s punk as fuck. After she told me that another girl said “yeah? I don’t use anything. In fact, I don’t even wear underwear.” Double punk as fuck. So you basically have a lot of options as far as how you want to divert your period from ending up soaking through your clothes. You also have the option of not doing a thing at all. I think that’s awesome and it actually used to be the norm for some cultures to do that. But now, that’s not always an option for many of us. So hopefully the alternatives are helpful if you’re seeking healthier options.

Aside from corporations profiting off harmful menstrual products, they also trap us with controlling our cramps. One could write volumes on menstrual cramp treatment, but I’ll just name a few that I’m most familiar with.

Now, I totally understand the lure of pills such as Midol and Pamprin. They are kind of amazing if you are doubled over in your bed wanting to die, puke, or have diarrhea. Most of you menstruators have been there. Please, have no shame in using those products if you need to. Most of us have to go to jobs and do not live in a society that understands the pain that cramps can deliver. However, it’s also not healthy to rely on NSAIDs or painkillers over a long amount of time. Here are some alternatives that might help you.

CRAMP BARK:

This stuff is amazing. I’ve only had it in tincture form which is basically herbs super concentrated in alcohol, usually vodka. I’m straight edge, but I am very willing to make an exception when it comes to consuming tinctures. If you’re concerned about that aspect, the amount of alcohol you consume is basically the equivalent to flavor extracts you bake with. Anyway, take a few drops of cramp bark under your tongue and hold it there for thirty seconds. Swallow and relax. The calming affects of this herb will occur within seconds. “Cramp bark” is not the herb’s scientific name, but it is named as such for its healing properties. You can also take a tincture of Dong Quai which helps to support the functioning of your uterus and can help alleviate cramps – but it tastes like absolute shit. So I’d really go with the cramp bark. You can get it at most local health food stores for about ten dollars a bottle that will last you maybe six months depending.

MAGNESIUM:

Magnesium also helps with cramps. You can get a large bottle for around ten or eleven dollars at health food stores and take two pills with food. I can’t remember why it helps, but it does. Not as quickly for me as cramp bark does, but other people have said it works instantly for them. It’s also good for you too regardless of your cramps.

TEAS:

Red raspberry leaf helps support the uterus. There are many different teas out there that have this in them. I don’t notice a drastic or instant difference in my cramps when I drink this tea, but it certainly helps to take the edge off. Many packaged medicinal teas will recommend taking red raspberry leaf prior to getting your period. Follow the directions or else you will not get the full benefits.

** There are additional herbs out there you can take as tinctures or teas, but please, please be careful and read about them first. Just because something is natural, doesn’t mean you can go willy-nilly with it. You can die or get very sick from taking the wrong kinds of herbs or taking them improperly. Talk to an herbalist if you don’t know something or look it up in several books to be sure about what you’re doing.**

ETC…

Sometimes just good old fashioned relaxing in bed with a heating pad or taking a hot bath can help you. Avoid caffeine, lots of oils and grease, eat dark leafy greens and lots of vegetables. This will really help you and you should be doing it anyway. My roommate Karen also swears by doing sit-up exercises to get rid of cramps. Try to remember that cramps are only temporary and that they will go away and that you are very strong.

** However, if you experience very extreme cramps and extreme aching in your legs or puking, you need to see a doctor and do not hesitate. These could be symptoms of something more serious than just regular cramps. Do not try to diagnose yourself. If you don’t have a doctor or insurance, call Planned Parenthood or 911 in extreme cases. It’s possible you have cysts or something else wrong and need them removed.**

So after touching on some tactics to reclaim our bodies from capitalism and fucked up social constructs, let’s get creative and take the whole system down. Dismantling the menstruation industry is a big job and boycotting alone might not be the only way to do it. So let’s work to apply the tactics we’d use on any other industry we want to eradicate.

Deface tampon dispensers with stickers and graffiti explaining why tampons are awful. Cause economic damage to corporate headquarters or companies that make harmful menstrual products. Educate your family and friends on reclaiming their menstrual health. If you don’t menstruate, you can still teach people about this stuff and be a strong ally. Try talking and thinking about this issue with spirit and rage and you will come up with endless tactics to employ.

We can come up with a million reasons why capitalism is screwing us and the Earth over, and this industry is certainly one of them, but now I hope you’ll think of it as a target now, and not just another reason.

    Some may think I am a high-strung abrasive person. Some may think I am fucked up and crazy. I can understand that and I can face that. Why am I so fucked up? Well if you are a fan of Hardcore or Punk have you ever read the lyrics? “walkin in your line/fuck off I’m feeling fine/shit on your advice” That’s a little something from the IDIOTS RULE demo I have been listening today. “I will shit I on your advice” that’s pretty awesome! KNIFE FIGHT “swallow what your given/you don’t question why/you all make me sick/get away from me” that’s pretty simple to the point but do you believe it? SHORT FUSE  “short fuse I’m a short fuse/there is nothing I can choke/ violent temper takes control/there is nothing you can do choleric fury cant be stopped” Does this guy really feel this way? Can he be stopped is his fury too much for anybody to handle? Or at least does he feel this way and act this way? As a punk and hardcore get older I see more and more people on the sidelines. You have all the record collectors/text messaging scene kids. They listen to the tunes but is the message getting through? Do you just like the idea of staying young/hating cops/quitting your job/being just generally wild? Well I am sick of this goddamn motherfucking shit, and I do want to shoot a cop and watch him die. This fucking city is run by pigs and they do take all the rights away from the kids. I have grown cold inside and I don’t give a shit anymore! Why am I going insane why I am I the one to blame? Why are you here the bands or the beer drunk on the floor you think that’s hardcore WELLS ITS NOT! Kids wear your band patches place your lyrics on their walls/you conveyed a sense of urgency/if they could only see you now! Instead of thinking we play donkey kong theirs something wrong with that!  Lyric sheets have been written for a reason and stands are taken for a reason. Think about it!

 This is dedicated to the Will Hesher a great person who lived the chaos and loved the life he lived.

 Anybody who can guess all the song lyrics used in this column I will cook you dinner I swear I will.