1. I scorn the idea of time running out. My lists of today and any particular manic day involves random sized and looking reused scrap pieces, sometimes stapled into little notebooks that I will find in the near or distant future. Crammed in a sock drawer, in my backpack, alongside unread books. My slingshot organizer will have a week where you can see insane scribbles all over, too many words and thoughts and concerns to fit on the pages, and then a blank week the next. I have several started notebooks, not a single one where I have written all the way to the end. My stacks haunt me, peering at me as I sit in my think-tank corner in my dreamland apartment. My desk is vivid green and some days so crazily organized that I am too intimidated to begin anything, or maybe I have just spent all my mania organizing and cleaning and I’m ready to be somewhere else. Often it’s a mess over there, and I don’t know how it gets that way, as I make conscious efforts to keep it orderly, but the chaos side of me takes over with the structure side oblivious as it all piles up until one day Structure freaks the fuck out, and a mass clean-up is immediately necessary! As frustrating as this back and forth, polar opposite combat can be and as taxing as it very well could become if I let it, I refuse. It’s tough to love yourself, but how key it is! Past me lumped together self-love and selfish, but fuck that. You can’t forget about yourself to help others. I think it definitely rules to be the listener and I like it that way in my life, to have my shit sorted out and to be a rock for my buds and family, but pampering is sometimes totally necessary for yourself, and daily fondles and or gazes into the mirror, learning to be into you, is great. I have found I can be a better help when I love my self, know I’m disciplined, productive, attractive, healthy. I’ve learned to look down at my leg muscles pumping up big hills and be stoked that I am healthy, thriving and that I worked to be that way. Killer!

This whole self love thing is vital when you feel insane sometimes, bouncing between extremes. Embracing your insanities is one of the coolest, raddest things I have learned to do. Laughing off “craziness” is something I have truly treasured within myself and my interactions with precious other nuts. I wouldn’t trade my quirks for a path that may seem easier, though as soon as I type that I know that not having this would maybe make me a person who experiences that (to me) foreign feeling of boredom. I don’t understand how anyone can ever be bored with all the stuff there is to do in this life, and I feel daily terror that I won’t accomplish all of my dreams. This is awful thinking and with careful practice and discipline can be eliminated but FUCK is it hard! Ha ha!

2. Holy shit last week at the DAAC Cookie Bumstead left me in bliss, I’m glad I got to see them twice. And Brandon Hill’s mainstream hip hop cover thing had me laughing so fucking hard. What a character! What a great show all around from everyone who played!

3. Defend the earth. Worship the dirt. Swim naked in lake Michigan. I hug trees everyday.

4. “Sober Living For The Revolution” is killer. A radical and woman-involved (GASP!) look at sobriety as a tool in rebellion. Blasting apart the bros and dismantling the crews and being one of the top-notch documentations of sxe I’ve ever read. “Anarchy and Alcohol” by Crimethinc rules, too.

5. Hypermania in full effect!!! Trial rules!

Love, Sock

XXX