More by: sock

My eyes light up and i feel like an insane person. i shake uncontrollably and lock myself in the bathroom and stare in the mirror. i want to smash it and feel pain in my fist and I feel wildly maniacal and hellbent on fucking shit up. (i suppose it’s incredibly fitting that i’m listening to Failure Face right now! with lyrics like “want to kill everyone” and “disobey every day” “everyday that i don’t succumb! i won! i won!” they are the soundtrack of frustration and determination). on my mind is capitalism. racing through me is all this disgust with, (but determination to destroy) all of the awful traits brought in people by capitalism. capitalism will collapse on itself, it will fall and i will see it happen in my lifetime. i can’t really think of any other way to look at things. the system we are living in is absolutely mindlessly atrocious and ignorant of synergy with earth and animal. i’ll say animal and include humans in that. “could have been a threat! could have been a fucking threat!” i have a job i love, but as i worked 63 hours last week, (and had fun doing it) i thought a lot about the things i wasn’t doing. i shouldn’t take where i work for granted, and i don’t, and i can do more good there than i have been able to do anywhere else, but what am i doing to throw blockading objects, or my body, into the gears of destruction that is the system that we live in?

Me and a bud were walking along talking about how to stop this monster, how to live our lives to the fullest and how to enjoy it after the show at the suicide house saturday night. (Culo, Religious Disorder, Scabburger and Ailments all played). there were a couple points i loved that we discussed: i was watching the show thinking how it wasn’t that special. But then i thought of how i’d seen video of house shows and how it looked so cool and fun, and the notion of hindsight being 20/20 and the past being glorified came into my mind, and i was able to get out of my taking the moment for granted as i was doing at the moment, and i started right then to appreciate the show more as I realized that this shit is happening right now and it’s good! it’s great! and so the rest of the show was great for me! but me and my bud talked about hindsight and how vital it is to not look back at times being so great, because often bad stuff gets left out of the “the grass is greener” human mind, and we think it all was so amazing back 1 year, 5 years, or whatever time period ago. and how taking every day, every moment as a new fresh breath is vital to keep going and having fun with struggle, with ending oppression, with maintaining strong, exciting friendships/relationships, and with all the work, play, and battles of life.

Forgetting the past and starting fresh to avoid burnout is a huge interest of me and my friend because we are in this for life and there’s no square path that we’re ready to take. it’s lifetime resistance and furious rebellion, or death! we talked of it as of evolving into a new form, one of which is now simply a part of your being, and not a layer of skin to shed. there’s no going back once we know what we know, there is simply no option. maybe we would feel more bliss for not coming to some understandings, (or simply gaining new info that leads only to confusion and NO understandings…well, not yet) but one thing has led to another, like: first learning of what the holocaust was, and then leading to modern day holocausts, like U.S. occupation after occupation, the Israeli/Palestine longstanding disaster, factory farms, high percentage of rape occurring. one interest leads to another as you feel in your heart that you can’t stand this shit happening! and i think it can overwhelm and cause some turmoil in the head, but restarting everyday as a new struggle yet taking your failures and misunderstandings along for the ride as valuable learning tools instead of reasons to give up, is important and exciting, and necessary to avoid burnout! also, keeping this awful shit in a context of having fun is important, which gets tricky as you may lead a more comfortable life that allows these privileges of laughing at shit, and i used to feel it wasn’t ok to, but then i thought of something; do those in prison who are awaiting help on the outside want me to solemnly burn myself out and kill myself or become an immobile, jaded square? or do they want me to keep up my spirits and enjoy my life, because they know how sweet breathing in fresh air and swimming in lakes and putting your feet in the sand and hugging your loved ones is and eating the food you like is, and how being a happy active activist positively angry productive person does them more good, then a serious, bummed person who has exhausted their energy and given up on the struggle, as it has become too much…

p.s. – kill capitalism. burn it. hate it. destroy it. love life and respect and let all live. simple life so all can simply live. put money out of your mind and be a good person.

fuck, i love hardcore punk. it has been exciting to me as punk has become the only thing in my life that made any sense, to having other things begin to make a lot of sense

1. how i want to eat

2. how i want to be a better friend/brother/son

3. how i want to consume and how to recycle (as little as possible)

4. the things that don’t matter/the things i really treasure

It has been exciting having punk/hc become a weapon instead of the end all. when it was my only thing it was scary, because when punk wasn’t so great, and i wasn’t sure why i was alive and why i was keepin on keepin on! ha! but having other things become awesome in my life and really finding security has let me take the best music and an incredible community alongside in my arsenal as a radical weapon to aid in troubles and shit i want to blow up and see reduced to nothing while still being the simple vent and release that it is that is pure bliss and panacea to the utmost! excitement to the point of elation! it’s super killer!

This weekend was a killer weekend for punk shows: the Friday show i mentioned above was good and then Saturday was great in mt. pleasant for the Michigan fest. i was lucky to play in two bands, XTRA VOMIT and POSITIVE NOSE  and see a bunch more. some of my favorites were UNDER ANCHOR, one of the most intense bands to see live. my words do no justice, just see them if you are looking for some passionate hardcore. jesus almighty! deathskin razors just like last a couple weeks ago played and ruled, see my show report from the show at my house for more on these bands. DIRE WOLF, CULO and DAMAGES were probably my favorites otherwise. fests are usually too much for me, as i like smaller shorter things in life but it’s still festive and fun, tiring as it is, and it leads to lots of hugs and love and i imagine maybe it’s like taking ecstasy, as by the end of the night i felt like i loved so many people around me. “how does it feel to be high without drugs? some say it’s a feeling of love for yourself.” it’s so awesome leaving behind the fluff of hardcore commercialization, which gets silly with some bands/people, the obligatory thanks and trading and microphone “shout outs” and shit like that. it’s awesome finding honest folks who just want raw, primal passionate music and to make friendships and cook (or not cook) food together, eat together, mosh (OR CIRCLE PIT!) together… it’s one of my favorite things! xxx